me talk pretty one day.

katiewrotethis @ 2005-09-28T23:03:00

2005-09-29T06:05:00Z

Grotesque. Horrific. Putrid.
This journal rulez.
Audi!

Wisdom

2005-04-12T04:20:32Z

All of my... stuff is costing hell of... stuff.

5000

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

2004-11-23T04:30:48Z

i have a confession to make. this has been bothering me for hella days, and now I'm comming clean: i'm a HUUUGE stoner. i rock the ganj like it's no one's business. it all started out with my roomates. then Ian's brother showed me the light with his videos. i asked myself: "what fuckin bowl?" then i got all paranoid and thought that the german language was at my door. i wanna go bowling.

Total Recall

2004-11-22T08:36:14Z

My ear is not your manhood.

5000

broken english

2004-11-22T08:26:46Z

i'm sorry to report that things didn't work out with being david hasselhoff's backup singer. david was pretty cool, and the roadie guys were pretty funny, but everyone in his band can go die. maybe the drummer wouldn't fuck up the beginning of every song if he was paying attention to his drums instead of staring me up and down. also they wanted me to wear this ugly red dress, dye my hair brown, and wear brown contact lenses. not only that, but i found out the tour was going to be an anti-drinking, anti-smoking benefit / awareness thing, and that the band and crew was forbidden from drinking and smoking at all. oh HELL no! how am i supposed to go tour in a foreign land if i can't drink and become foreign?

however, i must say that david is hella, HELLA sassy, as you can see in the photo below:

25 x 200 = ...

katiewrotethis @ 2004-11-18T01:06:00

2004-11-18T09:11:31Z

once, like. there was this dude. and he had a...dick. and like, he went to hooters, and it got bigger. from then on, he called it "the magic dick", and went on tours all around the country demonstrating his magical powers. his lovely assistant had big knockers and served him burgers, ribs, and steaks on huge platters for him to eat. it was like, awesome.

x-3=4997

blazing guitar riffs

2004-11-18T01:07:50Z

I just got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I picked up the phone and said "hello?" The person on the other end said "is this, Do.. Doev?" I said "yesss..." unsure how to react to this, thinking maybe Sassy James was having somebody fuck with me. But no, it was DAVID HASSELHOFF!!!!! He needs a backup singer for his next European tour , and somehow his management team heard one of the Left On Calliope mp3s! I'm so happy I could scream! Yes, singing for David Hasselhoff will be a huge change of pace, but it's all good: he's down with the blazing guitar riffs:

So in the morning I'm flying off to Los Angeles to start rehearsing. I'm kind of sad to be leaving LOC behind, but maybe James can be one of our roadies. On second thought, scratch that. Being a roadie isn't very sassy.

fivezerozerozero

OMG!

2004-11-17T22:13:49Z

Hey....

Did you know that I have a pet mantis? Because I do!

Yes. [long pretty writings]

lolz! I have an adversion to pink things

But not these pink things!!!

and Hair!

Something something...Abba

FIVETHOUSAND

the pen 15 club

2004-11-17T20:12:44Z

One time I went to Arkansas. While I was there, I met a strange old homeless man, sitting on the sidewalk outside a liquor store. He told me about a potato that lived in the woods just outside of town, and that this potato could give me the secret. So I walked there in search of this strange vegetable. As I wandered amongst the trees and rocks, I found no potato, but instead I came across a giant turtle with seven legs! I asked the turtle about the whereabouts of the wise potato. The turtle responded in what can only be described as a series of clicks and whirrs, as if the turtle's voicebox was made of machinery. Discouraged, I left the forest and found the old man, sitting on the sidewalk right where I found him the first time. He was eating the potato! The potato of secrets!

So my friend the armadillo kicked the old man in the jimmy and we went in search of other magical vegetables.

4999

The Fat Lady

2004-11-17T19:35:31Z

This is Katie. I actually did write this.

5000